Sometimes when i take a look to my past self mostly when i was a child i wish to be that little girl i was where i wasn’t concerned at all about the things were happening around me, instead i am here even if in my early 20s still not knowing how to deal with my struggles about being an adult, but at the same time when i see the bad side of my nostalgia i see that i have been through many terrible stuff in my life and i only wanna run away instead of being always trapped in my past even if it really seems impossible to do or even hard.
Especially when you have to feel a little more distant from your comfort interests that you enjoy a lot, leaving the bubble of comfortness and focuse about things that makes you a “grown woman” and oh God i don’t know anymore because it feels living in a paradox from thinking about my own future thinking what will happen, it’s so stressing for me and exhaustive not expecting after years that wouldn’t be so easy.
And i wish that everything’s gonna be fine someday and finally being able to deal with my own struggles, just letting it happen peacefully without being concerned at all.
Always dancing with the Angel of Death, that angel which consumed me of nostalgia but at the same time all of this nostalgia can be painful when this angel kills me with the bad side of all my good memories that makes me want to keep escaping until
finding the place of peace.
However, i hate being always stuck in the past where the horrible situations i've been through before and it hurts, but sometimes i wish to be that child where i wasn't concerned that much about anything...